THE CHAINED GIFT XXIV: It can always get more painful

The night was warm and there was a full moon, so Sül chose a roof to talk to Vira instead of a tavern, as the foreigner had proposed. There was no way he would allow himself to be seen in the company of an elf dressed like that... Later he realised that the Silvan could have surely changed his appearance at will... Too bad, he wasn't going to pick another scenery now.

They both stared at each other in silence for a while, Sül with suspicion, and Vira with a soft smile. The tall elf leaned comfortably against a wall, one of his long legs flexed and his arm resting on his knee. Damn it, thought Sül, why does he have to look so much like my neidokesh? Not even Adhar is so alike... And that smile, as if he knew what I am thinking... Fuck! What if he does know what I am thinking? Vira's smile became wider and the Shadow's nostrils dilated.

'Calm down, Sül. My skills with minds can't compare with Dainhaya's, but sometimes you're so easy to read that I don't even need them. Your face is very expressive. Maybe too much for your own good... But it won't be me the one complaining.'

'And how far can you reach? It's bad enough that you sneak to spy on us, but this...'

'That's funny, coming from a Darshi'nai...'

'I don't slither like a filthy snake inside people's thoughts...'

'Me neither. My telepathic abilities are only useful for combat and moods, like your northern colleague's ones.'

'Is that what he did while fighting? Reading my mind?'

'Let's say enough to know where your next attack would come from.'

'What a bastard... But... I had never heard of a Darshi'nai with those skills...'

'Undoubtedly that Misselan shared our blood. It isn't the first time one of our kin gets lost. I must acknowledge that your colleagues have a good eye for talent... It seems the guy pried around Therendanar and found out about the formula that human alchemist had been able to reproduce. As it was useless to him he used his powers of persuasion to end, what a coincidence, being interrogated in the laboratory of the alchemist he wanted to recruit.'

'And if you're so keen of snooping, why didn't you poke your nose in his mind before he could set up his plan?'

'Because he was able to shield his thoughts. Dainhaya might have slipped past his defences is she could have faced him, but she only had me as her fulcrum, so we couldn't aspire to that.'

'What the fu...?'

'A fulcrum, the point that supports a lever. Telepaths can't read someone they never saw before, but after so many years together our connection got tuned enough to allow her to use my eyes. She read the few things we know about the Misselan right before he died, when he dropped his defences.'

'Is she... is she reading me now?'

'No. Besides I told you, sometimes I just need to look into your eyes. Right know there's something about me that you would like to know.'

'Vira raised his hand and concentrated that strange magic that flowed through his body to materialise a sword. Upon watching it so closely Sül was even more astonished than the other times. He reached for it slowly and timidly, as if that object that had appeared out of thin air were about to burn him or bewitch him somehow, and touched it with his fingertip: it was solid, sharp, and had the coldness of steel. Vira held out the hilt and the Shadow, eyes wide open, couldn't resist the temptation to hold it. The weight, the balance, the sensation... Everything was surprisingly common and correct, as if that weapon had come from an armoury and not where the gods knew from...

And suddenly the sword vanished, faster than smoke. The young elf looked at his hand to corroborate, with his incredulous eyes, that it was truly empty.

'Gods...' he said when he recovered his voice.

'I manage to make them last longer and longer.'

'What are... those black lines?'

'Imperfections.' The Silvan sighed theatrically. 'It's the maximum I can aspire to while being so far away from the forest...'

'That's some news... It seems almighty Vira isn't perfect... -mocked Sül, gathering all his aplomb.

'It's very positive to keep aspirations; otherwise life would be very dull...'

'Right... and what aspirations drive you to wear that... those clothes? Trying to show everybody that you really have a package between your legs?'

'And it seems to work, see? Do you know a better way to change the subject so naturally to what lies between my legs?' The elf grinned. 'I'm delighted that you noticed it. Would you like to check if my lion's roar is that mighty?'

'If you're going to start with that bullshit...' mumbled the dark-haired elf, standing up.

'Wait.'

Vira held his wrist gently. Sül's impatience seemed to vanish like the sword, and he sit down again. When those dark wine-coloured eyes looked at him it was as if Neharall himself were requesting something... with a charming smile that the young elf had never seen on his neidokesh's face. If he had ever showed any kind of approval no doubt it would have looked like that... And despite he couldn't help but feeling he was doing something wrong, he was overcome by pleasure.

'In fact there's something I want to talk about, Sül,' continued the Silvan. 'I guess I know what your answer will be, but I must do it anyway. You have to speak to Caradhar and try to convince him to come with us to Dervharn, the place where we live.' When he saw the Shadow's radical change of expression, Vira's tone became more serious. 'This city is no good for him, nor for you. And you know it...'

'You must believe I'm a jerk...' Sül used his most cynical voice. 'Do you think that I'd ever consider to push him towards a place where they'd try to use him like a... a fucking stud? Why don't you go to cover mares with your big bulge between your legs? I'll be damned if I'm allowing...'

He was going to add 'anyone to touch him', but he bit his tongue. He noticed the heat of anger on his cheeks and an imperious need to break something, and curiously it wasn't that elf's bones.

'Nobody is forcing him to do anything against his will. Ever. I assure you...'

'No, nobody's forcing him: a chance... how did you call it...? The gods' so perfect answer that you'll simply let pass 'cause the boy doesn't feel like behaving as a selected breeder... one more freaking time! They'll only manipulate him, a little bit every day, until he finishes in some nuts spell caster's bed... 'cause having him squeezed for blood during his whole life wasn't nearly enough...'

Sül's voice turned almost desperate. His feelings at that moment weren't alien to Vira in the slightest.

'What's in here for him, Sül?' he asked, looking him in the eye. 'The same madness we just lived with that sick alchemist again and again? Do you think there has been any moment of happiness for him? Forget about the children. There are many things my people can help... must help him with. All that raw magic accumulating inside him, waiting to be woven... It must be painful to have all that energy inside and not to be able to release but a small part, and in a completely uncontrolled way...'

'I don't know what you're talking about, he's no fucking mage... He's a gifted, and that's already too much...'

'Oh but of course he is. As I told you, he does it unconsciously, because nobody taught him to channel it, but for the goddess that he's one of my kind. There's a spell of common use among some of my clan that he dominates fairly well.'

'Really? Which one?' sceptically asked the Shadow.

In response Vira approached him, keeping his eyes fixed on Sül's. Again that sensation, that impulse to run away fighting the wish to stand still and quiet and allow that elf to take the initiative; because he was beautiful, and those dominating eyes the colour of wine had conquered through the years the power to do with him as they pleased... And those lips he had always craved for tasting but never dared to... Wait: he had tasted them once... But then, that mouth that had never touched his had to be someone else's... Who cared? No matter whom they belonged to, those so close lips were calling him and he didn't have to resist, there was nothing wrong with letting himself go... Ah... The sweet, warm breath... Almost as sweet as...

Vira was already leaning over him, his arms flanking his sides, his mouth just one sigh away... when Sül became aware that the elf about to kiss him wasn't his neidokesh, and certainly wasn't Caradhar either. He moved back, startled, wondering how he had come to find himself in that situation once more time. The Silvan smiled with a tiny bit of melancholy.

'Congratulations. Just the second time and you're already able to resist.'

'What... what are you talking about... why?'

'It's a spell to control a specific emotion: attraction. I confess I don't need to use it often, but it's a helpful defence mechanism if your target isn't biased against you. I am sure Caradhar has been using it all his life, without even realising. And I have the feeling Neharall did it as well. Maybe you didn't notice it but they both affected you more than you think.'

'Bollocks...' The Shadow swallowed. 'Do you think what I feel for Adhar has anything to do with a failed trick like yours?'

'Not anymore, Sül. Forgive my frankness but it isn't easy to resist me, that's why I know to what extent you are in love with him. I know you can't stand the idea to lose him, nor even share him, even if it's something meaningless. I know you believe no-one can love him more than you do. But trust me, Caradhar needs the help my people can provide him. You must think of what's better for him even if it's painful for you.'

'I've been thinking about it for a long time,' said the young elf while he stood up, with a harsh voice, 'and that doesn't include leaving him within reach of guys that pretend to take advantage of him. We already have that here, thank you very much.'

Sül disappeared with several agile jumps. As for Vira he remained there for a while, sitting down under the stars, absently brushing his lower lip. That had been close...

Later Dainhaya whispered some words in his head that set him thinking. His mind was divided between his compassion for the Shadow and some vague expectancy.

***

Caradhar wasn't in the refuge when Sül went back for him. It seemed he had left of his own free will because everything was in order but... wandering alone in then Ditch? The Shadow got upset. He went out to look for him in the surrounding area, but unsuccessfully: the residents of the Ditch weren't normally willing to give any information... Getting more and more worried he decided to head to Elore'il and check if the gifted had gone back there on his own.

It was past midnight. When he was about to go out again after him, Caradhar appeared. Without a word he walked to the bath, got undressed and entered the bathtub, not seeming to care about the cold water. Sül watched him, incredulous.

'Do you have any idea of how much I walked around, thinking you could be lost in the Ditch?' he asked finally, slightly annoyed. 'Why didn't you wait in the refuge?'

'And you, why did you leave?' The redhead jumped out of the tub, splashing water everywhere, and dried himself with the first cloth he could find.

'That... elf came to keep telling me his nonsenses. I told him to get lost as soon as I could...' Caradhar strode towards the bed. 'Adhar... The Ditch isn't the right place for you to wander around unprotected. I don't even want to think about the things that could happen...'

'I found the guard from Arestinias that helped me with the abomination in Ummankor, or rather, he found me,' interrupted the younger elf.

'...What?' Sül frowned. 'How the heck...? Fuck, that can bring many complications... You were supposedly killed in prison; and they could discover that you belong to Elore'il and that the House was involved...'

'You don't need to tell me what I already know.'

'...And where the blazes is that bloke? What if he speaks? I'll have to deal with him...'

'No.' Caradhar shot an intense gaze at his companion. 'You don't need to do that because he won't speak, I already took care of that.'

'Did you...?'

'No. He saved my life. I don't want to hurt him. I can't... I can't hurt him.'

'But Adhar, be reasonable: as far as we know that guy's loyal to his House. How can you be sure he won't speak? Arestinias fell from favour, don't you think Lady Neskahal would want her revenge? We must...'

'He won't speak, he gave me his word and I believe him.'

'And why are you so sure?'

Caradhar shut up. Then he answered quietly, averting his eyes:

'...Because I went to bed with him.'

Sül turned pale. He pursed his lips so tightly that they acquired a sickly wax colour. I am sure Caradhar has been using it all his life, without even realising... Vira's words buzzed around his ears for an instant, until the roar of his blood, being pumped through his temples, raised over any other sound.

'... How... how could you...?'

'I couldn't kill him, Sül... What could I do?'

'What could you do?' The Shadow's voice sounded like a weak and insecure echo of the gifted's words. He repeated the sentence, raising the tone and releasing his anger. 'What could you do? Must I tell you...? You could've threatened him; you could've tried to bribe him; you could've made up a story; you could've let me take care of it!'

'None of those things would have worked, and as for leaving it to you, you could have only dealt with it in a way I can't afford...'

'And why can't you afford it? Do you care that much? Do you have so many qualms, suddenly?' The pitch of his voice raised little by little as he approached the redhead and grabbed his forearm. 'Did you like it so much that you can't wait to repeat it?'

'I didn't do it because I liked it... Soon... soon he will be gone to the battlefront with a company from Arestinias. It will be until then, only...'

Sül couldn't believe what he was hearing. It wasn't real: there was no way Caradhar were telling him he would get laid with someone else, just for some days...

'I'm sorry... I didn't let him take me, if that's what you want to know...'

The Shadow saw all red. He grabbed the gifted's other arm, lifted him and pinned him against one of the bed columns with a loud bang. The wooden structure was shaken.

'Caradhar... do you think I care shit about who took whom?' said Sül, his voice faltering. 'Don't you understand I don't want anyone to touch you? That I want you to be mine alone, same as I've been yours alone since I met you?'

'Don't you understand the pain you cause me? Of all the things you could do to me... why, why... do you always have to do the most painful?'

Sül's eyes started to shine as if they were feverish, as if he were about to cry... He released his companion, rushed towards the doors, opened them so violently that they bounced against the walls and walked away. His strides resounded along the corridor.

Caradhar looked at the exit for a long time, eyebrows knit, his lips a thin tight line. He flexed his legs and held his knees and remained like that for hours, not knowing what to do, not even knowing what to feel.

***

Sül didn't come back that night, nor the next day. At dusk Caradhar headed to their refuge and found him lying on the bed, his eyes fixed on the wall. He didn't even turned to look at him when he entered. The gifted walked slowly towards his companion and lay down besides him, hugging his back. That was an unusual position, but the Shadow wasn't impressed.

'I missed you.'

'The dark-haired elf didn't answer. He wished to retort with some hurtful words like 'you can always go shag your new friend' or 'I'm surprised you still have energy left to come to see me', but he didn't even feel like being sarcastic. At his back he could hear the sound of fabric sliding, and again the redhead's embrace. A bare leg wrapped his thigh and a hand stroked his stomach after going deep into his clothes. He still didn't react.

The hand dived into his breeches and felt his crotch. In other circumstances that would have been more than enough to stir him, but not that time...

Caradhar decided to be more daring. He untied his breeches, gently pushed Sül over his back, who let him do as if his mind were one hundred miles away, and lowered his head down to his groin. His tongue started to offer its attentions to any portion of skin that would make him shiver: the inner side of his thighs, there where they joined the smooth surface between his rear entrance and his testicles; the silky skin that recovered those; the base of his sex, still soft under the sensual pressure of his lips. When he decided to focus on his member, a breath of life already ran through that flesh; and when his tongue lingered along every inch of its length before going back into his mouth and let the lips take over around the wet head, he verified the sleeper was fully awake.

Much to his regret, Sül had to look down at that red-haired head that was starting to bob under his waist. Much to his regret, because right then he didn't desire to desire him, as each and every day they had spent together. Because he wished he could possess enough presence of mind to push him away and give him a taste of bitter despite, frustration and jealousy. A taste... was Caradhar able at all to taste those things or was he insensible to them, as he was to everything else?

The flaming-haired head stopped once the mast was as high as possible; and under the dim candlelight a strangely fascinated Sül watched the gifted straddling him and guiding him inside his entrance, very slowly, leaning on his tense abdominals, lips apart, eyes closed, eyebrows slightly arched, with an expression of vulnerable sensuality that excited him even more, yet also annoyed him.

Gods, so this is how Adhar looks when he abandons himself that way, thought Sül, and this is how it looks from here. I don't even have to move, just watch him and relish the show: he impales himself on me, unable to keep his lips closed, unable to hold his moans... is he enjoying or is he ashamed?

Sül reached for his partner's hair to move away a lock that was covering his face, and that same hand went down along his chest while his dark eyes did the same along his pale body. He was a beauty while contorting like that, while his hips went up and down steadily... His stretched arms still rested on his stomach forming a 'V', and between them the Shadow saw the redhead's stiff member. His hand now travelled there and started to stroke it gently, letting it slide between the arch of his index and middle fingers.

Sül also started to moan softly, and upon listening to the sound of his own excitement a sudden doubt seized him: Caradhar had just got laid with someone else... why was so easy to forgive him? Was Vira right? Had he been using that strange... spell all that time?

No! His feelings for him were real, they had always been. He had killed for him; he would die for him; if he possessed anything he would no doubt give it up for him. But so far, or that's what he had thought, his only possession had been Caradhar in his arms. And now... did he keep that at least? The body that had belonged to him alone had been delivered willingly to someone else. He had suffered that pain already, but after all that time, he had come to believe it would never happen again; he had cherished the hope...

He imagined that guard's hands over his white skin, and the gifted's lips running along his body, maybe offering him the same treatment he had just received. He imagined Caradhar moaning with him...

Clenching his jaw, Sül intensified the pace of his strokes along the redhead's erection, whose movements became wilder as he was pushed to the limit. It didn't take him long to burst in his hand, panting, leaning over his partner, his long hair covering his face again. The Shadow released the grip and slid his fingers along the young elf's groin, moistening it with his own creamy elixir.

'I can't believe you didn't allow me to see this until now,' he said, hardly containing his fury. 'Why don't you want to ride me more often? You'd be a feast for anyone's eyes. But I suppose our deal stands... see? I didn't come yet, so I've got right to a second round...'

The dark-haired elf made the gifted roll on his back and went on his knees. Then he forced him to lay on his stomach, pulled his hips and held his arms firmly against his sides. Caradhar had to bury his face into the mattress while Sül opened his way inside him one more time, without any gentleness, making sure he noticed every inch of the ram that was penetrating him and every violent smack against his buttocks. He cocked his face to breathe, among a mess of red locks, but couldn't move anything other part of his body, so tight was the grip that was holding him: he wouldn't have been able to escape even if his life depended on it. And that position... Sül had never taken him from behind.

It wasn't pleasurable at start: he had been entered too fast. It took him some time to adjust to the rhythm of those abrupt thrusts until he started to enjoy again the brushing of that hard, swollen flesh going in and out of him, despite the pressure of the unkind fingers on his wrists and the strong legs that trapped him. He heard himself moaning again like never before, with a hint of pain hidden among his chocking pants.

Sül didn't slow down the crazy pace. He kept drilling him until Caradhar's throbbing member let loose again, splashing the bed with his seed... Without giving him time to get his breath back his companion lifted him and sat him on his lap, immobilising him while he kept giving free rein to his unsatisfied lust.

From the third time on it wasn't pleasurable at all.

The next morning the Shadow woke up with a terrible headache and a dull pain in his crotch. He tried to recall what had happened and he remembered...

He had lost track of the time he had spent inside Caradhar, and he wasn't even able to remember if he had ejaculated. In his mind, the only feelings that remained were anger, tension, the morbid pleasure he had experienced listening to his companion's whimpers... Gods... his head was killing him...

Looking at his side he noticed a revealing emptiness on the mattress. The gifted getting up earlier was something unusual... And yet he wasn't very far: he was standing besides the table, his red eyes displaying an icy gaze. Then Caradhar said, not even turning to look at him:

'I hope what you did to me yesterday night sated you, because it isn't happening again.'

'So what.' Sül flexed his legs and let his head drop on his knees. 'It isn't as if it's going to leave any marks on you after all.'

'Nothing leaves any marks on you, either. I take care of that nowadays.'

'Do you know something, Caradhar? This might surprise you, but skin isn't the only place to leave marks.'

The Shadow got up and started to get dressed. The gifted finally turned his face and stared at him for some instants.

'Sül, keep yourself out of this. I don't want to hurt you but I took my decision and I plan to carry it out because I can't do anything else. I will make up for it.' As the elf didn't reply, the redhead held his shoulder and forced him to face him. 'Sül, I am serious... I want your word that you won't hurt him.'

'You've got my fucking word I won't touch his fucking throat. Satisfied?' he answered, with so much cynicism and bitterness in his voice that his companion released him and pursed his lips. Then he approached his face to kiss him, but Sül moved back, to the gifted's confusion. In the end Caradhar decided to leave.

The redhead did his best not to be followed that day, but trying to outwit a Shadow was a vain task. Sül surrendered to his unhealthy curiosity and followed him to the inn in the Ditch, where he saw that elf receiving him, dragging him to a dark corner and kissing him passionately, unable to wait until they were in his room. Once they walked upstairs the gifted made sure there was nobody else in that bedroom.

He hadn't thought of the window, and from there the dark-haired elf had to suffer the vision of those hands removing his partner's clothes, of those lips walking around his body. But when Caradhar turned the elf around he simply couldn't resist it: he had to avert her face and close his eyes, although that stranger's moans of pleasure still reached his sharp ears.

When he opened them up again suffering had turned into anger. It wasn't a burning and gut feeling like the one he had experienced with Darial, but much more self-controlled. A feeling he could meditate about while keeping his balance besides that window, listening to those pants he didn't want to listen to and watching in his mind images of what was happening inside that room that he didn't want to watch. It became impossible for him to leave that place, even after the gifted was gone.

The hardest battle was fought right then, resisting the impulse to go inside and finish him. But he couldn't do it: he had given his word to Caradhar.

***

Why is this happening to me?, asked Sül to himself for the third time in less than one minute, while pointlessly searching for words to tone down the truth. He knew perfectly why; what he didn't understand were the gods' reasons to push him into that situation. Had they decided it was time to take away the only good thing that ever happened to him? He couldn't imagine such cruelty, but he was sure he'd be in a difficult position after telling the truth. If only he could understand... If only...

His mind flew several days back, to that fateful interview in the servants quarters at the Palace of the Forty-nine Moons.

'Sül?' asked a surprised Niliara. 'One of the last elves I would have expected to find here. To what do I owe this honour? I thought Caradhar wouldn't arrive until next week. My Lord is already counting the days...'

'I'm not here for him, but to see you. Can we talk in a private place?'

'Sure,' she said, raising her eyebrows. 'The garden in front of the kitchens is public enough for everyone to ignore us, if that's what you want...'

They both went outside. It was hard for the young elf to start. He was afraid it would be useless, or maybe those Silvans would be lying in wait... But he couldn't take it anymore: it had been three days only since he had followed the gifted to the inn and he was already getting crazy.

'What happened this time?' she asked to make things easier for him. 'Another second-rate assassin came to pay you his respects?'

'No... It's about... What do you know about Arestinias' fall from grace?'

'Enough. I've been in charge of the Maede from the start and I knew... Dame Corail's plans concerning him, and how she pretended to achieve it.'

'What if... what if someone from that House had recognised one of the agents that took part in the business?'

'I hope that's a rhetorical question,' she said ironically, casting a meaningful glance at him. 'A Darshi'nai brat would perfectly know what to do.'

'My hands are tied.'

'Blackmail?' He nodded after a second. 'And since when is that a problem? Neutralise the target and everything that could incriminate the agent. Sül, what's really going on?'

'I can't do anything... I gave my word I wouldn't lay a finger on him...'

'You gave your word? To Caradhar?' She smiled cunningly. 'I see: the gifted that never plays by the rules. And you tell me this so that I can put things in order myself.' The Shadow's silence was truly revealing. 'Maybe I should tell My Lord about it...'

'No! Listen, Niliara... Take care of this and I'll owe you one. Please...'

She stopped. Apart from his little smile, her face was fairly expressionless.

'All right. Give me the details... and you'll owe me one.'

Niliara executed her plans quickly and effectively. It wasn't long until Caradhar, intrigued with Reskveem's sudden disappearance, trusted Sül with his concern. The Shadow felt divided between relief and guilt, specially since the gifted had never suspected him: he couldn't have anything to do with it because he had given him his word.

The real problem arrived when Niliara approached the young elf in private.

'I think you have a debt to settle, Sül.'

'So early? I was hoping to have a breather... What is it?'

'Not much, don't worry,' she said, smiling enigmatically. 'I just need information. There's something that always intrigued me and I'm sure you know it all: I want you to explain me what's the relationship between your little friend the gifted and the Maedai of Elore'il.'

Sül stiffened. He managed, however, to make his voice sound fairly natural when he replied:

'What do you think it is? He belonged to Llia'res and now he's one of the elves with the Gift that serve the Maede. And that's all.'

'No, my friend, you won't get away so easily: I know there's more. The way he treats them, how they treat him... A Darshi'nai bodyguard for a gifted? I serve My Lord, but having information hidden from me doesn't satisfy me...'

'I don't know what the heck you're talking about,' he insisted, obstinate. 'Why don't you ask me something else? There's absolutely nothing that...'

'Listen, Sül: I know why you were so eager to get rid of that guard from Arestinias. It's up to you if you want to stand those things, no matter how good in bed your lover is, but if you don't satisfy my curiosity I'll tell your redhead the truth. And I want it now, before you have time to make up any tall story.'

The young elf went pale. That Darshi'nai wouldn't swallow any lie, but he couldn't cover up for a betrayal with a bigger one. Revealing Caradhar's secret to someone who could use it against him?

'I'm not asking for much, Sül. Just some words, and I'll be the soul of discretion.'

'There's nothing to say.'

'In that case... If you break your part of the deal, I'll break mine.'

'I... I don't care. After all the favour was for Elore'il, not for me... As for Caradhar...' the Shadow frowned, 'you won't need to tell him anything 'cause I'll do it myself.'

'Really?' she asked, sceptically.

The elf didn't answer. He left in search of his companion.

The gifted was removing his House livery right then and wearing discreet, simple clothes. He seemed to cheer up when he saw the Shadow appear. He approached him and kissed him, and for the first time in days the elf didn't reject his lips. Caradhar smiled slightly.

'I wanted to see you, Sül, but you've been so elusive these days that I didn't have the chance. I'm going to have a chat with those forest elves and I wish you'd come with me.'

'A chat? What for?' There was alarm in Sül's voice.

'I didn't change my mind about what they want from me, if that's what you're thinking. But I feel curiosity about the story of magic... I just want to know more. That business of the last days... Maybe it's true that this is not our place and we should think of...'

'You say you didn't change your mind but you're considering the possibility to go with them!'

'Both, you and me. And I'd never accept to give them what they're asking for. I find it repulsive, and you know it.'

'That's what you say now, but once they convince you...'

'That will never happen. And Sül, what are our options if we stay here? I hurt you, and I don't want to risk a second time.'

'If you had...'

'Let's go and listen. Just listening what they have to say. There's nothing wrong with that. Let's go.'

The Shadow had a bad feeling.

The mood at the Silvan's refuge was much less tense than the first time. Dainhaya even allowed herself to hug those elves, who accepted with a bit of embarrassment. The small and charming female elf was still hard to resist...

At first they chatted about trivial matters, but Sül was anxious. Where those elves familiar with what he had done? Would they reveal it to Caradhar at any time? But he couldn't notice anything strange in their gazes, and even Vira's one, normally mocking, seemed to be relaxed. And then...

'I know I have no right to ask for a favour, but it's important for me,' said Caradhar. 'It's about a member of another Noble House from Argailias whom I knew time ago and recently contacted again, until he disappeared. I was wondering if you had anything to do with it.'

'I assure you we haven't, Caradhar.' Dainhaya's voice and eyes were sincere and calmed. 'We just decided to intervene once, when your lives were at stake, and nothing else.'

'But you know what I'm talking about, don't you?'

She nodded.

'If you find out what happened to him, will you tell me? I don't want anything bad to happen to him, but I can't allow him to tell what he...'

'I need to talk to you, Adhar. Now.' said Sül, very pale. The gifted looked at him in surprise.

'Now? But...'

'It's about that elf from Arestinias. I...'

***

Why is this happening to me?, was, therefore, Sül's question. He was intimidated by the presence of those strangers, but aware of the fact that they wouldn't stop listening even if they hid in the deepest tunnel of Ummankor. He was intimidated, above all, by Caradhar's look, that had remained free of suspicions... until then. But it was too late to back out. Entrusting himself to the gods, the elf continued.

'It's no use to keep worrying about him, 'cause he isn't a problem anymore. I... spoke to Niliara,' the gifted stared at him, incredulous, 'and she took care of it.'

'... You gave me your word...'

'I gave you my word I wouldn't touch him...'

Caradhar stood up with so much fury that the cushion on which he was resting went flying and hit the Shadow's leg. On his pale cheeks two red spots started to appear by effect of the blood rushing to his face.

'Don't give me that bullshit! Do you think I'm a brat you can soothe with cheap excuses? I told you not to meddle in this! I asked you!'

'And you think that's something you can ask me so casually and I'll comply willingly?' Sül also leapt to his feet. 'Everything I did, I did it for you... always!'

'I don't ask you to do things for me! Only this time, and just to keep out of this... I wanted to do the right thing!'

'... Screwing someone else's the right thing? Do you have any idea how much it hurts? No... you haven't! 'Cause you're unable to feel any pain... you think I am as well!'

'I try to do what's necessary... I've always been like that, and you knew it...'

(Is this your doing, Vira?, sounded Dainhaya's voice inside the elf's head.)

(Not at all. I thought it was you.)

(It isn't like Caradhar to get this furious. It really looks as if someone... Both Silvans stared at Ulmeh, who was following the fight very concentrated. I can't believe it, he spurred him. And he closed his mind to mine...)

(That's a dirty trick. I won't allow it, Dainhaya. The tall elf stood up and walked towards his companion.)

(I'm afraid it's too late. The stone has been set in motion and you can't stop it any more.)

'In all these years, didn't I gain any rights?' continued Sül. 'Is it too much to ask not having to share you with anyone?'

'Rights? Sharing me?' Caradhar's voice grew visibly cold. 'So now you are my owner... is that what you mean?'

'No! But... how bad would that be? I always belonged to you... why can't you belong to me? I... am sorry about that elf but I think I did what I had to...'

Caradhar looked at his companion as if he didn't recognise him, as if he was seeing him for the first time.

'Are you like the others, Sül? Do you know what's better for me and will you take the decisions when you judge I'm wrong?'

'That's unfair! Adhar... don't you see it? I'm not like the others! I... I love you! I love you and can't stand that...'

'I think at this point I know what 'I love you' means, Sül,' interrupted the gifted. 'I refused to believe it the first time I heard it from you, but now I'm sure. It means there's a chain around my neck and you have the right to pull it, haven't you?' The Shadow stepped back in pain, as if he had hit him. 'Truth is you really are like the others: you'll never let me say the last word. You'll never stop reminding me your rights on me are bigger than my own. You'll never miss the chance to get on top...' The redhead turned his gaze to the other elves. 'Dainhaya, I'm not making any promises, but I think I'll accept your invitation. Alone.'

'Adhar...! Sül panicked. 'Adhar, please...!'

'Sül,' the gifted pursed his lips, and then took a deep breath, 'you said that of all the things I could do to you I had done the most painful. Of all the things you could do to me, you have done the only one that would have disappointed me.'

'But I forgave you!' replied Sül, bitterly. 'Why can't you forgive me?'

'You didn't forgive me: you changed things so that you could remove the cause of the problem. That's what I'm going to do myself. At this moment I can't be with you, so I will leave. Whenever you want, Dainhaya.'

'But... aren't you going to say goodbye to anyone? Your luggage...?'

'My... family wouldn't allow me to say goodbye to them. As for my luggage, I never had anything. I'm available right now, before I change my mind...'

The female dared to peek through the gap of the door leading to her young relative's mind. As she feared, the arid landscape was empty: there was no trace of the scarce vegetation, of the little life it had sheltered once. They had got what they were looking for, but the price was so high that it was breaking her heart...

'Go with him, Ulmeh,' she said, 'and tell Father that I'll need to be held up a bit more. Without discussion.'

'When... when will you be back?' asked Sül with faint voice. No doubt it was some fleeting anger, and the Shadow would simply have to resign himself and give it time to pass... No doubt... He was trying to hold his desperation; he was trying to hold the impulse of running towards him and forcefully stop him...

'I don't know. Probably, never.'

'Adhar! Adhar... I beg of you.. don't push me aside. Let me go with you, please... For my life, I'll do anything for you to forgive me, but please... Don't... don't leave me...'

The gifted didn't look at him. Instead he cast a brief glance at the female elf, as if he wanted to say something that never got to pronounce. Then he crossed the door followed by Ulmeh.

Sül felt a violent pain in his chest, so strong that he was barely able breath. Through all those years he had imagined distressing situations, and for the gods that he hadn't needed to imagine some of them because he had suffered them in his own flesh. But what he had never dared to conceive was the vision of Caradhar turning his back on him. And now he knew why.

'Adhar... please... I was wrong... I was wrong...'

'I thought nothing of what you could do to me would hurt more than that, but I could never guess...'

'Adhar...'

'...'

'ADHAR!'

END OF PART THREE

 

 

 

 

 

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